After reading through the majority of the articles this week, I see a common theme regarding marriage coming up. There seems to be an emphasis on choice in these articles - Chapter 7 and the articles, “Marriage and Love,” and, “Who Wants to Marry a Feminist.” This is especially pertinent in the latter article. The author, Lisa Miya-Jervis, wants to drive home the idea that choosing to marry or not to marry should be a choice left to individual people. Nothing should ever be implied or expected, but if one decides to follow through what may be considered a more traditional path, they should not be outcast by the feminist community for doing so.
It seems that what happens quite a bit through third-wave feminism is that, when fighting for equity and oppressed groups, we may tend to glorify those traits and shame innocent but traditional values. It becomes a problem when we forget that forging a traditional path for oneself is fine - and even empowering - as long as it is one’s choice to do so. I appreciate Miya-Jervis’s statement, “To reject marriage simply because of its history is to give in to that history; to argue against marriage by saying that a wife’s identity is necessarily subsumed by her husband’s is to do nothing more than second the notion.” Basically, what I take from that is that instead of outright rejecting or ignoring marriage, we should focus on fixing what is wrong with it - because marriage still works for some people!
Personally, I think this could be addressed many ways. First and foremost - it should never be expected for someone to or implied that someone should get married. If someone doesn’t want to get married, no one should shame them for it. In addition, marriage should not be seen as something that is strictly monogamous and heterosexual. There should be ways for people to be in same-sex marriages (there are in the US now, but people are still shamed for same sex marriages), and there should be ways to people to be in marriages with more than one person at once or multiple people to be in the same marriage. Perhaps it shouldn't even be called marriage - but people who are in a consensual, romantic relationship of any kind should be allowed the same legal benefits of those who are traditionally married. Perhaps the best route would be to remove the legal benefits from marriage and let that be for people of all walks who are in romantic relationships or in a family. Marriage would then be a personal fulfillment; legality issues that come with marriage could be determined by other, more reliable tells, such as how long the people involved have been living together.
How would you address the issues these articles talk about?
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